He is here!

my nephew has arrived!

and I was there!

and it was beautiful!

and the PAIN...

oh the pain!

how I remember that.

but I was able to lend my hand to be squeezed!

and I was able to rub her back!

and I wished for her that it could be me!

I was able for once to step into my dearest's shoes

is this how you felt?

be overcome by the feeling of helplessness

except I've been there and want to say,

"don't pity me!

share in the pain, the joy the beauty

this is what we are made for

this it life!"

Merry Christmas!

girl - mama, since santa brings us so many presents, we should give him one
mom - that's a great idea. we could leave him some cookies...
girl - yeah! and beer!
mom - a beer?
girl - yeah! I'm sure santa likes beer
brother - good one! then he'll love our house and he might bring us extra presents!

cookies and the beer!


making good use of the mistletoe

enjoying aunt, uncle and niece-to-be

begining to smell a lot like christmas...

the week leading up to christmas is favorite japanese food time at our house. so far this week it's been sukiyaki, yakisoba and curry on christmas eve! kind of like a little celebration every day.what a wonderful way to begin the festivities
(and yes my son still refuses to wear a shirt even though its december
and I won't even start on the shoe issue around here! aren't these kids cold?
any ideas?)

second birth

days from now my sister in law will being giving birth to my nephew
I am so excited for them
I cannot wait to meet the little guy
at the same time, I talk to her and many feelings come rushing back
I think I was the more afraid before birthing my second child than any other
before the first I had no idea what to expect
I went into the birth clueless as to the amount of pain, emotion, fatigue
but as I waited for my second to be born I was not so naive
I knew what was coming
that ignorance that had been such bliss was long gone
I was terrified of having to push another baby out
I can remember having that first contraction
(and for me the first contraction in no small deal
I've always seemed to skip that nice building up part)
I panicked and rushed to the bathroom
there I sat on the toilet and wept
my husband was speechless
for my crying is about as infrequent as his speechlessness
I wept for the pain
I wept for fatigue
I wept for losing that feeling of control over my body
even though it ends up being really lovely in birth
I wept for my older child
he was losing a part of his innocence
I wept for my future which was sure to hold exhaustion
(I would have wept longer if I had known what the future held)
I wept til I could weep no more
"I don't want to do this after all" I told my husband
"I want to go home!"
and then I was done.
I went on to birth my beautiful baby girl a few hours later
oh and how blessed I am to have her
during this advent season while we wait for our new family member
I cannot help but hope that Mary had that blessed ignorance of a first birth
I hope that she had not witnessed too many mothers who cried as I did at the birth of my second
perhaps she was able to face it with hope
I'm afraid my sister in law now knows too much
she knows what is ahead and how hard it will be
but she also has the knowledge of that sweet fulfillment
holding that baby in your arm after the hard work
she has felt that tugging of the first feeding
smelled that baby breath
and seen the many many smiles
I hope that she can remember those things
it is because of them that I too was able to get up off that toilet seat
and walk back into the room and face one of the most rewarding experiences of my life

Channeling Mary

seldom is a story read in our house that is then not acted out
we've been reading about Mary...

and so we now share our home with Mary, her baby (a doll when her brother will not oblige), and her donkey

I'm not sure how Joseph got lost in the interpretation

maybe her older brother was out?

We are...

we are not the ARTISTS...

we are the NAMERS!

Gus's recent book- "The Struggle to Survive in the Amazon"
Henry's work- "Sushi Ma Mench"
Bea's sheep- Elizabeth

Operation Christmas Tree Continues

DAY ONE
DAY TWO
DAY THREE
DAY FOUR

my favorite was day one...
at least we had fun decorating it this week?

Operation Christmas Tree

the perfect tree

we once again succeeded in cutting down a tree that was far too tall for our living room
it always looks so perfect standing in the field
then we set it up at home and have to chop off the top
a measuring tape would really help
I'm sitting here trying to figure out how I am going to get the lights on it...

it looks much better here than in real life

Gus with the kill

it took four adults to load it up

forget the trees, can we take a horse home?

in the morning light it looks a little more like this...

Advent Day Two

they'll find out who's naughty or nice

boy - papa, I would really like a puppy for christmas
papa - I don't think you will get a puppy for christmas
boy - I will ask santa to bring me one
and if he doesn't then I will know that he is not real
papa - if you find out that he is not real
would you please not tell your brother and sister?
boy - ya... papa, do you believe in santa?
papa - he brings me something every christmas
boy - you won't get anything this year though!
papa - why not?
boy - you have been fighting with mama too much...

a few last words on the anniversary

my peonies

we will not be forgetting our eighth anniversary anytime soon
everything was in place for the loveliest of nights
our hotel room reserved
seven course dinner at our favorite place arranged
he had fed exed my favorite flowers to the restaurant
movie tickets pre-ordered
and then IT struck!
but I am getting ahead of myself...
we left on thrusday afternoon to take the kids to our hotel room downtown
enjoyed a family swim in the heated indoor pool
bathed the little people and put their jammies on
the kid's grandfather arrived to pick up them up a little later
whisked them off and we set out to get ready for our evening
it was while I was enjoying my soak in the hot tub,
without kids throwing in toys or playing with the cold water,
that I felt the first pangs of queasiness
nonetheless we got ready, pressed and primped for our dinner
coach's best friend, also the chef, had labored over our seven course meal
I could barely get down my first sip of champagne
by the third course I had them stop bringing me plates
chef kindly sent me up the most delicious chicken soup
that, I could stomach!
about then we got the first call from home
B had thrown up, but was now in the bath and seemed fine
fourth course
another call
she had thrown up again when being picked up out of the tub
me - should we come?
coach's dad - no, I can handle this
fifth course
my stomach was definitely needing some relief
and thankfully it was going down not up?
thank goodness I hadn't eaten anything since lunch
meanwhile coach was in shovelling in course six
enjoying his wine pairings, not a care in the world
me - you might want to slow down if you don't want to see that again
him - I feel great!
I made him send his hanger steak and ox tails away
the smell was killing me!
I did eat a bite of the banana in the dessert
and sip my ginger ale with bitters
we made it back to the hotel and to the midnight movie
which I enjoyed immensely despite some trips to the ladies room
then we got another call
our older boy was throwing up
me - should we go home?
him - pop will be fine. do you want some of this popcorn?
promising myself that if the baby got sick we'd run home, we finished out the movie
once again at the hotel, three in the morning, coaches stomach started to grumble
at five he began throwing up
when six rolled around I left for home to relieve his dad
thankfully the baby had not gotten sick
and the other two, after throwing up, had felt better and slept well
the next twelve hours were spent doing nasty laundry, changing beds, wiping bottoms, and taking care of my husband all on two hours of sleep
he was sick for a very long time!

so the last words are...

I really hope that was indicative of our year seven and not the begining of year eight

and, Honey, after eight years, you really should listen to me once in a while

most of all, thank you so much pop for sparing me from being thrown up on on my anniversary!

our dessert made by angel

New Moon

dead wizards should not become sparkly vampires...
other than that it was the ultimate experience in girl bonding!

Pumpkin Tea 2009

all ready for pumpkin tea
B's blossom cookies
Aunti Danielle cuts
her scrumptious Pumpkin Cake
while Ba reads her poem
a pumpkin craft
delicious chai tea

Happy Fall!

welcm Ba and Ge part 2

Ba and Ji's arrival was everything they hoped it would be

hugs, kisses, exclamations, gum and yes, there were gifts!

straight from Japan...

a "my first cane pole" set for Gus

a beautiful kimono for Bea's dolly

and a "this could only be Japanese" tiny blackwatch umbrella for Hen

from my favorite store - MUJI

his very own kasa! now he won't have to beat up his sister every time she bring out her umbrella from Mister Donuts!

oh, yes, and for us? a bamboo sushi dish

AND I can't forget the ume chazuke mix that I am enjoying at this very moment...

thanks Ba and Ji!

welcm Ba and Ge!

we are waiting for Ba and Ji to arrive from Japan
it's been six weeks since we've seen them
that's a long time for us!
one of us is refusing to leave his post at the window watching for them
while he waits he's made them gifts
nearly twenty of them
that's how much we love Ba and Ji!

Happy Anniversary - for real!

I am posting this photo

(even though it is less than flattering of me)

to illustrate my life with you

and to tell you how thankful I am

that you have been my joy for the last eight years.

Thank you for loving me every day,

for serving me in every way possible.

You are the one who keeps me laughing day in and day out.

I love you!

Happy Anniversary.

Happy Anniversary - a little early thanks to the two year old!

The coach took the kids with him this morning to run some errands

so that I could clean the house...

my mom and dad, Ba and Ji are coming!

they were quite secretive as they left

shrugging off my questions

I didn't have to wait too long to find out what they were up to though

as soon as they walked back into the house the baby shouted,

"Mama, we got you SECRET flowers!"

so much for taking a two year-old on a special errand!

Happy Anniversary, Coach!

sorry it was a little early...

a rare glimpse

every once in a while you get a glimpse

of what they will look like one day

they are rare sightings of what is to come

few and far between
today was one of those days

Happy Birthday Pop!

it would be hard to say which my girl loves more

her pop or chocolate cake...

fortunately there are days when she can combine the two

and make her pop his birthday cake

she will enjoy two of her favorite things

along with the yummiest kobe steaks

and playtime with cousins

we're so glad you're around, Pop!

thank you for the time you take to be a part of the kids lives,

for all the toilets and lights you fix each year,

date nights every week

and those terrible vacations and fishing trips

you HAVE to be a part of

we love you!

the benefits of modern technology

my little guy has pneumonia

and a very concerned brother and sister

and a mom who was so glad

she just happened to stick the portable dvd player in her purse

when she went to the doctors today

hurray for modern technology

so tired

he asked to hold my hand as he fell asleep tonight
he only closed his eyes once
he was so tired
we've been weaning him off his nap
he doesn't always make it
but when he does
he sure is sleepy and sweet
when he's so tired

the day was just packed

my seven year-old

chose the theme this year

he is quite fond of "Calvin and Hobbes" at the moment

I was very happy to be Calvin's mom in my bathrobe

(I highly recommend any costume

that incorporates your favorite lounge wear!)

the Coach was the infamous snowman from the cartoon
of course, our girl refused to play a part

here are a few of my favorites

the whole family

scary tiger and sleeping "booty"

hayride!

CalviN and Hobbes...

(aren't they some of the cutest brothers ever?)

popcorn balls

my favorite halloween snack!

INSTRUCTIONS

1 pop popcorn

2 melt caramel

3 combine

4 make into balls

5 eat!

a good lunch

the boys are out
we're having lunch
"Bread and Jam for Frances" style...
a thermos of tomato soup
cream cheese with cucumber on rye
celery and carrot sticks
and black olives
a bunch of grapes
a hard -bolied egg and salt shaker
we are taking a bite of sandwhich, a bite of egg and a sip of soup
then we go around again
I hope it all will come out even!

being your mother

you are my butterfly

wings shining in the sun

flitting to and fro

even the moment in my arms

is gone in an instant

like the wind

I must be ready, waiting

wether you dive or soar

to hold you, lift you

I am here

yearning, learing, to be still

to be your mother