He is here!

my nephew has arrived!

and I was there!

and it was beautiful!

and the PAIN...

oh the pain!

how I remember that.

but I was able to lend my hand to be squeezed!

and I was able to rub her back!

and I wished for her that it could be me!

I was able for once to step into my dearest's shoes

is this how you felt?

be overcome by the feeling of helplessness

except I've been there and want to say,

"don't pity me!

share in the pain, the joy the beauty

this is what we are made for

this it life!"

Merry Christmas!

girl - mama, since santa brings us so many presents, we should give him one
mom - that's a great idea. we could leave him some cookies...
girl - yeah! and beer!
mom - a beer?
girl - yeah! I'm sure santa likes beer
brother - good one! then he'll love our house and he might bring us extra presents!

cookies and the beer!


making good use of the mistletoe

enjoying aunt, uncle and niece-to-be

begining to smell a lot like christmas...

the week leading up to christmas is favorite japanese food time at our house. so far this week it's been sukiyaki, yakisoba and curry on christmas eve! kind of like a little celebration every day.what a wonderful way to begin the festivities
(and yes my son still refuses to wear a shirt even though its december
and I won't even start on the shoe issue around here! aren't these kids cold?
any ideas?)

second birth

days from now my sister in law will being giving birth to my nephew
I am so excited for them
I cannot wait to meet the little guy
at the same time, I talk to her and many feelings come rushing back
I think I was the more afraid before birthing my second child than any other
before the first I had no idea what to expect
I went into the birth clueless as to the amount of pain, emotion, fatigue
but as I waited for my second to be born I was not so naive
I knew what was coming
that ignorance that had been such bliss was long gone
I was terrified of having to push another baby out
I can remember having that first contraction
(and for me the first contraction in no small deal
I've always seemed to skip that nice building up part)
I panicked and rushed to the bathroom
there I sat on the toilet and wept
my husband was speechless
for my crying is about as infrequent as his speechlessness
I wept for the pain
I wept for fatigue
I wept for losing that feeling of control over my body
even though it ends up being really lovely in birth
I wept for my older child
he was losing a part of his innocence
I wept for my future which was sure to hold exhaustion
(I would have wept longer if I had known what the future held)
I wept til I could weep no more
"I don't want to do this after all" I told my husband
"I want to go home!"
and then I was done.
I went on to birth my beautiful baby girl a few hours later
oh and how blessed I am to have her
during this advent season while we wait for our new family member
I cannot help but hope that Mary had that blessed ignorance of a first birth
I hope that she had not witnessed too many mothers who cried as I did at the birth of my second
perhaps she was able to face it with hope
I'm afraid my sister in law now knows too much
she knows what is ahead and how hard it will be
but she also has the knowledge of that sweet fulfillment
holding that baby in your arm after the hard work
she has felt that tugging of the first feeding
smelled that baby breath
and seen the many many smiles
I hope that she can remember those things
it is because of them that I too was able to get up off that toilet seat
and walk back into the room and face one of the most rewarding experiences of my life

Channeling Mary

seldom is a story read in our house that is then not acted out
we've been reading about Mary...

and so we now share our home with Mary, her baby (a doll when her brother will not oblige), and her donkey

I'm not sure how Joseph got lost in the interpretation

maybe her older brother was out?

We are...

we are not the ARTISTS...

we are the NAMERS!

Gus's recent book- "The Struggle to Survive in the Amazon"
Henry's work- "Sushi Ma Mench"
Bea's sheep- Elizabeth

Operation Christmas Tree Continues

DAY ONE
DAY TWO
DAY THREE
DAY FOUR

my favorite was day one...
at least we had fun decorating it this week?

Operation Christmas Tree

the perfect tree

we once again succeeded in cutting down a tree that was far too tall for our living room
it always looks so perfect standing in the field
then we set it up at home and have to chop off the top
a measuring tape would really help
I'm sitting here trying to figure out how I am going to get the lights on it...

it looks much better here than in real life

Gus with the kill

it took four adults to load it up

forget the trees, can we take a horse home?

in the morning light it looks a little more like this...

Advent Day Two